Wishful Thinking
by silvestris.silvia
Summary: Old identity: Light Yagami, 18, college student, Kira suspect under surveillance. New identity: Light Yagami, 23, NPA detective, sworn member of L's Kira Investigation Task Force. Light is in love with this new world. Nothing is wrong and it ends in nothing. (For abbadon-abandon in the 2017 L's death day Secret Shinigami exchange)


**Author's note:** It is a fic in which a canon character enters an AU and can be read as either gen or pre-slash. But you should not trust anything I say. This is a story that relies on suspense and I may be deliberately lying.

* * *

 _It can't get any better._

He wouldn't say this had not been unsettling, but now he was getting used to this slightly taller and stronger body. It was starting to feel natural. It was still his own body. Just taller and stronger. _Better._ And from everything he had gathered so far, his situation here was also much better than in his original world.

Not that he wouldn't try his best (and eventually succeed) if he ever returned to his original world. But he had found no way to return (nor even to explain this sudden overhaul) so far, and he was not one to object to favourable circumstances. _He can do this_ , he assured himself. He _can_.

All was great. Except, perhaps, for the gun that was currently pointed to the right of his brain.

 _Calm down. Do not panic. Think of the fact that not even_ this _is worse than your old world._ Light Yagami remembered the day Soichiro Yagami had pointed a gun at his own son, and smiled sardonically. Yes, if he was able deal with that, he could deal with this.

The bullet from his father's gun had turned out to be blank. As for this one, well, it would not even fire. He was going to make sure of that.

'Watari-san,' he greeted, making sure neither his voice nor arms trembled. 'And Ryuzaki is here as well. I assume this is your order, then.'

He watched 'Ryuzaki' enter the room like a leopard, quiet, lethality concealed under a casual hunch. He glanced at the digital equipment in the room (nothing was out of the line) before resuming his gaze on Light.

Or not Light.

'Ryuzaki', or rather, L, the best detective in the world, did not beat around the bush. 'You are not Light-san. I'd like to know where the real Light Yagami is.'

'What are you talking about, Ryuzaki? I _am_ Light Yagami.' The cylindrical metal on his skin felt more distinct, as was his accelerating heartbeat. Perhaps it should not have surprised him that Ryuzaki would figure out something was amiss in two days. The detective _was_ proficient when he put his mind into it.

And perhaps pretending was not the best strategy. It would be extremely easy to see through his bluff in a prolonged interrogation. Ryuzaki only needed to know what to ask…

'When we first met, I talked to each of you individually to ascertain that none of you are Kira. What did you and I talk about?'

Time to change tack. 'Let me rephrase.' Light drew a deep breath. 'I'm not the Light Yagami you're familiar with, but I _am_ Light Yagami nonetheless. I can't say I understand all that has happened myself, but you can say that I'm Light Yagami from a parallel universe.'

Light registered Ryuzaki's surprise — veiled but still discernible from his eyes widening — and Watari's complete lack of reaction, and internally applauded the older man's composure. Was that a lack of fear? Lack of belief in Light's tale? Or lack of concern whatsoever? The gun did not move one inch closer or further from his head.

Light turned his attention back to Ryuzaki. He told Ryuzaki as much truth as he could afford. That he was eighteen-year-old Light Yagami keeping a close eye on the supremely unusual Kira case, and then he woke up one day as twenty-three-year-old Light Yagami being an actual NPA detective, working with L and select colleagues at the very mystery. That was two days ago.

'I don't know why the world changed overnight, but the truth is there's nothing I can do about _that_. I've tried, but there isn't any clue. And frankly, I don't mind if my only option is to live my best in this world. There aren't too many differences between the two worlds, but so far the changes in this world are for the better.'

There he felt it again, the excitement about this unknown yet appealing world. Even Watari's unmoving gun seemed less frightening as he envisioned what he could do _here_. In this _new world_.

Ryuzaki had remained stoic and speculative since recovering from the initial shock. He did not react as Light gushed on about the 'better' things in this universe.

'To be able to finally join the NPA officially and tackle a case with such wide-reaching impact… It's a _great_ honour. Exceedingly so, and I'm so glad I can finally contribute officially, instead of just watching my father drown himself in work and risk his life every day…

'And Misora-san and Ukita-san.'

As Light expected, this strategic pause successfully piqued Ryuzaki's curiosity. Ryuzaki's gaze bored into Light's, but Light did not budge. How many would dare to initiate a staring match when one word from the opponent's mouth could trigger the gun at his brain? Sometimes his boldness surprised even himself. It was unexpectedly… thrilling.

'Pray tell. What of Misora-san and Ukita-san?' Ryuzaki was calm, as if he had not just yielded to his own captive's wish by asking. But perhaps he was just confident that this battle would not cost him the war.

'They are alive here, and both working with us. In my world, Ukita-san was killed during the Second Kira's first Sakura TV broadcast, and Misora-san vanished without a trace, and was presumed dead.'

Ryuzaki remarked coolly, 'Are you suggesting that they're both alive in this world just because you're five years older?' There was a hint of amusement in his voice.

'No, please don't misunderstand. I'm just saying that it gives me hope. The side of justice managed to save two more lives from Kira. Even if Kira is still at large, this is still very encouraging. I just feel that I could do so much more here!'

Light mustered all sincerity he could convey in his eyes, willed Ryuzaki to _get_ it. Could he get it? That man's eyes were often a black hole sucking in all and refusing to reciprocate.

Ryuzaki took a step towards Light, his two hands languidly finding their way into jean pockets. 'If this world is filling you with hope, I wonder if your world is filling our Light-san with dread. Is he feeling frustrated, trapped in the body of his eighteen-year-old college freshman self and a slightly grimmer universe? Or perhaps he hasn't gone to your world, but has simply… gone?' Ryuzaki's eyes began assessing every inch of Light's face again, intense as if daring Light to lie. 'Assuming you're telling the truth, you wouldn't know where he is, would you?' He sounded almost… concerned.

Light wondered about the relationship between his parallel self and Ryuzaki. Before the gun, Light would say Ryuzaki did not seem much different than his counterpart.

Then he suddenly remembered the first day — or rather, the first hour — he found himself in this new body and new world, when Ryuzaki greeted him from a mouthful of donut. Hadn't the detective sounded a little less probing and more friendly than he had remembered?

He thought it was a nervousness-induced illusion, and as the overt friendliness never reappeared, he assumed he had been right. Now he rethought it, he had probably given the wrong reaction and sparked Ryuzaki's suspicion at that very moment.

Ryuzaki was still gazing at Light, waiting for an answer. Well, Light did not wish ill upon his counterpart, but honestly, there was nothing he can say about it at the moment.

'I don't know where he's gone to. I'm sorry, Ryuzaki.'

There was a moment of silence. Light discreetly observed, pondering the existence of an unironical friendship between Light Yagami and Ryuzaki, L…

'… Assuming you're telling the truth, no one can say it is your fault.' Ryuzaki finally conceded, eyes still speculative but his tone softening just a little.

Light found his breath again when Ryuzaki signalled Watari to withdraw his gun and bow out of the room. Looking too hopeful would be looking like a fool, so he opted for a resolute look when he raised his head again.

L pulled a chair and settled into his usual frog-like posture opposite Light. Light wondered if that would be the very last thing to change in any parallel universe.

'Your testimony is interesting though difficult to prove or disprove. Even to the best detective in the world, parallel universes are something new. But perhaps a more productive step to take is to ascertain that you're not Kira. Let's begin your own individual talk with me.'

Light blinked.

His legs were ready to jump up and he wanted to exclaim in celebration, but he checked himself to appear calm and proper. Only the spark in his eyes disclosed his excitement at Ryuzaki's announcement.

This was indeed such a better world. This was what should have happened all along. Something to prove his innocence, that was actually _achievable_.

He liked this Ryuzaki already.

He decided that this Ryuzaki did not need to know he was a Kira suspect back in his _old_ world.

His new life had started. Let bygone be bygone.

* * *

Another thing different about this universe were the dates. Kira started in spring instead of winter here, the killings usually occurred once or twice a week, and the Yotsuba Group, on which Light had been keeping tabs back then, had not done anything suspicious to warrant further investigation yet. In fact, the Second Kira in this universe did not emerge until the end of June.

The only constant seemed to be Ryuzaki insisting that the team move into his specially built, unreasonably large investigation headquarters on the first of August, so as July reached its end, everyone in the Task Force had to multitask moving preparations _and_ the search for Second Kira in Aoyama.

'Why shouldn't I go to Aoyama? Didn't all of us agree that I'm suited for this mission?'

'Yeah, Light-kun has a keen eye for the Second Kira! For one, I'm still alive thanks to him swiftly picking up the fact that they can kill with just a face!' Ukita offered his support to Light. 'Maybe he'd be able to spot the Second Kira in Aoyama!'

'Yes, Light-san did excellently during the Sakura TV broadcast. That's exactly why I'd like him to be back support this time. As long as every individual from the frontline reports information promptly, the back will be able to obtain comprehensive information more quickly than the front and make the best decision for everyone. That's part of why I'm always at the back, myself.'

Ryuzaki left for the pantry area, signalling no room for objection.

Light did not try to argue and even helped (not like Ryuzaki even had the intention to do so) to pacify Ukita and Matsuda, who still wanted Light in the Aoyama mission.

But today was his shift to stay behind at night, and he was not going to waste the opportunity.

'I don't buy your explanation in the afternoon. Do you refuse to let me go to Aoyama because you don't trust my abilities?'

'No,' Ryuzaki said quickly. 'And why don't you "buy" my explanation?'

'There may be truth in what you said, about you finding it beneficial to have all information.' Light carefully treaded the line between forthrightness and incivility. '… But you don't seem to find it important for anyone that's not you to have that information. When you assign video feeds for inspection, you're always the only one to watch all of them. No matter how "excellently" I did during the Sakura TV broadcast, it doesn't seem enough to warrant your trust.' He took a deep breath and added with just a little more force, 'I think you didn't allow me to go to Aoyama because you don't trust me. Do you think I'm incapable for this mission?'

Ryuzaki did not answer immediately. Taking a large bite of strawberry shortcake, he turned to look at Light, curious. 'Did you know me back in your world?'

Light's heart skipped a beat at the abrupt question. But he had been careful to stick to information that he could obtain here, so there was no real threat. _Don't fret. Be as relaxed as possible._ 'Well… I just knew L from the Lind L Taylor broadcast on TV… which also appeared here, correct?' Ryuzaki nodded. _Relax. Jest a little._ 'Did you also shout "I'm justice" for the entire Kanto area to hear as well? That was a feat, wasn't it?'

Ryuzaki did not even blink. 'Justice will prevail.' He replied neutrally.

 _Be natural._ '… Anyway, why did you ask?'

'… Because your characterisation of me is fairly accurate.' Ryuzaki turned to his plate, holding his fork with two fingers to fiddle with the last strawberry. 'Though I did distribute the video feeds like you said the past few days.'

'Well, yes. Now I have answered your question. Can you answer mine?'

'I have another question.' This made Light frown. ' _You_ were not the one who averted Ukita's death. What makes you think that _you_ should be treated exactly like your more experienced but now lost counterpart?'

'So not only don't you trust Light Yagami, you especially don't trust _this_ Light Yagami.' Said Light Yagami sighed dramatically. 'You do have a point, I _am_ less experienced and less trained. I'm not insisting that I should go to Aoyama, but I thought I could at least be useful in _some_ way, since you took the pains to induct me to the team instead of kicking me out, after all… What?'

Instead of lifting up his plate like a decent human being, Ryuzaki bowed down and stuck his tongue out, licking the crumbs on the plate like a dog and showing every sign of boredom. Light rolled his eyes.

'I'm bored.' Raising its head, the dog dared to announce. 'Snooker?'

'Snooker?' Light repeated neutrally, unsure why Ryuzaki was asking. He was even more perplexed when two exceptionally ugly masks were pulled out from a cabinet.

'Snooker,' Ryuzaki murmured serenely. Then all movement halted as he took in Light's rising intonation. 'Snooker… unless… you don't play?'

'… I know the basics.' Light replied, but he got the idea that this was not the answer Ryuzaki hoped for.

He knew he was right when Ryuzaki made his most scandalised face since meeting the 18-year-old Light Yagami.

'I assume we've discovered another difference between my old world and this world.'

Ryuzaki stared at the ceiling, his mouth agape, and made no reply.

'Is it really that shocking? You look like you've gone bankrupt. And I know you're dirt rich.' Still no response. '… Do you play tennis? I don't know if there's a tennis court around here… but maybe we can find an afternoon for a few rounds… if you play at all.'

'I want to play _snooker_. _Now_.' Ryuzaki whined.

Light sighed even more dramatically than before. 'It's not like I don't want to play. Just that you're probably way more skilful than me that you'd probably be bored anyway. What's more, we're supposed to be on guard… _What again?_ '

Ryuzaki was grabbing Light's wrist with a firm hold, and Light found that _very disconcerting_.

'We don't have to leave the hotel. Watari will inform us of anything worth mentioning.'

* * *

The mask had, for some reason, three red ugly faces, and was therefore much larger than necessary, even covering part of his ears. Light peered at his cue through the eye holes of the middle face, and waited for his turn.

The other mask in the hotel's snooker room had only one face, but Light could not determine whether it was of a woman turning into a skeleton or a skeleton masquerading as a woman.

When asked where he had found these monstrosities, the other mask bearer replied cheekily, 'Aren't they fun?'

The hideousness of the masks did not bother Ryuzaki as he methodically hit ball after ball into pockets. Red, colour, red, colour. As expected, Ryuzaki was an excellent player. Even with a generous handicap, he still managed to beat Light with a considerable margin for three consecutive frames.

At least Light was getting better. He was a fast learner, after all.

'Were you close with, um… the Light Asahi I don't know?'

Light was given in a second's full view of the skeleton-woman mask before Ryuzaki turned again to the table and bent over for his next shot.

'… He was an exceptional snooker player, very elegant.'

Light could not figure out whether being 'elegant' was a compliment in Ryuzaki's standards.

'Why ask?'

'Just curious.' Light hesitated, but curiosity won. 'Do you miss him?'

In the old world, Ryuzaki had called him 'his first friend', and if true, old Ryuzaki had a very peculiar way of treating friendship. But this Ryuzaki, while not that different from the old one, had always been a bit friendlier to him after ensuring he was neither Kira nor old Light's kidnapper. Light supposed he could feel sorry for this Ryuzaki, if his appearance had indeed cost him his only friend.

Not that he could bring the old Light back. There was nothing he could do about that, but if needed, he could try and be a good friend for this Ryuzaki. Together (and with everyone in the Task Force, too) they would catch Kira and make this new world an ever better place than it already is. He would get better at snooker, and perhaps get new Ryuzaki to try tennis as well.

'Do I miss him…' Ryuzaki was still thinking even as he stepped away from the snooker table, letting Light take his turn. 'The thing I disliked the most about him was that he always sided with his father whenever we disagreed.'

Light had little time to ponder on this abrupt change of topic before Ryuzaki delivered another punch:

'Not that I expect much to change now. You're still wearing the watch Asahi-san gave you every day.'

'… You two do seem close, if you know about the watch.'

'Omega speedmaster, also named "Moonwatch". Quite a well-chosen gift, of course.'

'… Circumstances considered, it shouldn't be too surprising that I'm rather attached to the gift I received just after entering university. Anyway, I'm glad the other Asahi father and son were also on good terms…'

He considered whether he should add in a word of being a good son to his new father as well, but now that Light had sent the last ball to the pocket, Ryuzaki's attention was already on the score board.

Thus Light saw no need to trouble him with the mystery that he had not been able to take the watch off ever since he arrived in the new world, and that he strongly suspected the watch to have travelled to this world with him.

He was careful not to let his large three-faced mask bump into Ryuzaki as he checked the score board himself. 'Oh — oops, sorry…' The mask scratched Ryuzaki's shoulder as Light jolted in surprise, but no complaint came from the skeleton-woman mask. '… I won.'

'Yes. In your fourth frame.'

'Well, by one point and with handicap.'

'Yes. But still impressive.' Ryuzaki's expression was masked, but Light was pleasantly surprised that he _did_ sound impressed. 'As I've always believed, talent is more important than training.' He mistook Light's stillness as need for elaboration, and added, 'The world's best three detectives were all self-trained, for example.'

'This is still about whether I've been trained or not?' Light asked, incredulous. 'But you're changing your tune… But you've _always_ believed? Wait… How long have you been planning to say this?!'

'Since you won the frame.'

'Then why did you criticise me for being inexperienced?'

'I didn't criticise, I just asked out of curiosity. I don't see someone with as much confidence in talent as me every day.'

'But…'

'But I still advise against you going to Aoyama in this case. I want to focus on finding the Second Kira and don't want to deal with the consequence of any potential difference between two parallel universes along the way. Better wait until you're more informed about this world.'

'… I got it. Really.' Light suddenly wished they weren't wearing masks to protect their faces from the hotel's security cameras. He wanted to see for certain the concern he thought he heard from Ryuzaki so as to justify the warmth he felt at heart.

He liked his new world so much.

* * *

Light Yagami had been an important asset to the police force. Now he was an important asset to the police force _and_ the Kira Task Force. His deduction skills were so impressive that Naomi Misora said he reminded him of _L_. Ryuzaki looked slightly disgruntled at the comment, but Light positively beamed.

This almost made him forget the apprehension creeping up as the Kira investigation stumbled.

'On the up side, Kira has stopped killing.'

'On the down side, that wasn't because of our doing, Matsuda-san. And judging from the nature of the extremely scattered heart attacks recently, the Second Kira hasn't given up — even if the First Kira has stopped.'

'And the First Kira stopping now means that we'll have fewer chances to gain new clues on them. Not that clues have been forthcoming from the get-go, but still.' Light supposed it would be best that he bring up the point himself. 'And since Kira had always worked on an irregular schedule, we can't even pin down the exact date they stopped. We can only surmise that they've really _stopped_ because of their unusually long silence.'

'I thought that's because the First Kira is letting the Second Kira do their biddings?'

'Those being killed aren't the First Kira's usual victims. The Second Kira may not be following any orders.'

'Or they're following an order to _appear_ not to be following any order.'

'Is it possible that the First Kira is simply saving up for the next big strike?' Aizawa asked.

'We shouldn't rule out any possibility,' Ryuzaki replied grimly.

Only Light knew of the permissible possibility that the First Kira might have stopped after Light entered his new world. Or after the 'old' Light Yagami left this intended to be the only one who knew of this.

If worse came to worse, Light could certainly argue that he was a _different_ Light. But he _would not let_ it come to worse. He would not risk raising Ryuzaki's suspicion again, not when this all hit too close to what had occurred in his old world — which it was all the more necessary to keep a secret now than ever.

Light needed _progress_. He needed to find Kira — First or Second did not matter — in this new world. And if what he had learnt in the old one could help him make _this_ world a better one, he would use it.

* * *

Light's hands trembled as he flipped through multiple reports to double check every cross reference. The sea of paper extended but he never lost his bearing. One fact connected to another and then to another.

He sprang after a tortuous round of triple checking, unable to withhold excitement any longer. A short dash was enough to bring him to Ryuzaki's location.

Ryuzaki was shoving M&M's into his mouth when Light arrived. His hand looked smaller than usual when compared to the bowl of chocolate beans that it was clawing into.

Light rolled his eyes but refrained from further reaction. _I've just known L 'Ryuzaki' for three weeks and shouldn't be showing annoyance that accumulated over more than three months_ , he reminded himself.

Still, he could probably afford to voice his opinion in this new world. 'As the leader of our investigation team, don't you think you ought to behave a bit more… properly?'

Ryuzaki looked at him as though he had just told a dumb joke. Maybe he did thought he had told a dumb joke. Ryuzaki had been clear about his priorities, after all. 'Yeah yeah yeah, actual talent is what matters the most and other things don't worth a cent to you.'

'If you already anticipated my response, there was no point in complaining, unless just to make yourself feel better.'

'Maybe it does make me feel better,' Light murmured, more to himself. Then he added, a bit more loudly, 'And you're just eating more and more junk food these days. At this rate, we wouldn't be able to verify whether it was Kira's doing if you died of heart attack.'

A smile. 'I must avoid being killed by Kira, then. This is to keep myself from getting bored.' Another shovel of M&M's. 'Things are a bit too quiet when the First Kira is lying low.'

'Both Kiras need to be caught. And closing in on the Second may lead us to the First.'

'That's what I hope. The First Kira is definitely the big fish.'

Ryuzaki sounded excited and Light humphed. 'You sound like you're just after Kira for fun.'

'Just like you're just after Kira because you're a cop.'

Light almost gawked. 'Your meaning being? I _couldn't_ be after Kira if I wasn't a cop. I knew this from my old world.'

'I mean that you're not really upset that criminals are getting killed. You're just upset that Kira is also a criminal.' Ryuzaki did not elaborate.

Light stood still and stared, his thoughts too busy to remember what he had come here for. But he recovered as soon as Ryuzaki snatched Light's files with his hand still greasy with M&M coating and began reading himself. 'I've pinned down where the hair, powder and fabric on Second Kira's envelope to Sakura TV came from.' Light reported quickly.

'Misa Amane?' Ryuzaki peered at the young model grinning and posing slightly seductively in a photo. Then he raised a very thin eyebrow. 'Well, let's hope this gets us to the big fish.'

Very slowly, Light smiled.

* * *

As they waited for Amane being brought to the investigation headquarters, Light found himself recollecting a memory from his old world — _His father was brought to hospital due to a heart attack —_ A misfortune that had not happened in this new world, probably because of his adult son's extra assistance at work (yet another reason this world was incredible and must be protected at all cost) — _Then his father — his old father — said that Kira was unfortunate to have possessed the ability to kill._

Considering how removed Light now felt from that world, old Soichiro Yagami's voice rang exceptionally clear in his mind.

He could even feel it still, the intense displeasure upon hearing this comment. But that was such a long time and an entire world ago, so he could not remember why this angered him so. He just thought of it again after Ryuzaki said he did not mind criminals being killed by Kira.

Why did he not like the notion of Kira being unfortunate?

'While I do think the criminals targeted by the First Kira are pretty worthless, it's just that I do not condone criminals. As you said, Kira is also a criminal.'

If Ryuzaki was startled by the choice of topic, he did not show it. Not moving any part of his body except the eyes, he glanced at Light and then glanced around to make sure everyone else was occupied, before replying in a low voice, 'Thanks for the confirmation. Glad to know I'm right.'

'Ha, ha,' Light's laughter was dry and hollow. 'I can't even identify if that's sarcasm or completely sincere.'

'That's completely sincere.'

'Ha, ha. As long as you know the main point is that I do _not_ condone criminals.' Was he hoping that the sudden _boldness_ would prevent Ryuzaki from ever suspecting him being Kira? This move made him slightly uncomfortable and yet giddy at the same time. The adrenaline was even making him facetious. 'Now it's your turn. Just confess that you're not doing detective work out of a sense of justice.'

'I'm not doing detective work out of a sense of justice.' The reply was so quick that Light glared. Ryuzaki took a bite of cupcake and continued in what should not have been such a calm and matter-of-fact tone, 'It's a hobby to keep boredom away. But I'm so good at it, I've become justice in the process.'

Light glared more, but then he smirked and a wicked glint sparked in his eyes. 'I really want to let the world know that the great detective L isn't even trying to do the world good. You should hold another broadcast about it, Lind L Taylor style.'

L raised an index finger and shook it before Light's nose. 'Wrong. Didn't I say I've become justice? I'm justice. I am, ergo the world is done good to.'

'You're hopeless,' Light tried so hard not to snicker too loudly that he eventually had to catch his breath. 'But… but… _but_ … as long as you don't judge me for thinking low of Kira's victims, I won't judge you for treating all this as a game.'

Ryuzaki's reply was locking his eyes with Light's and exchanging a mischievous, knowing smirk.

Light was still smiling by the time Watari announced the arrest of Misa Amane and the arrival of evidence gathered from her apartment. He was happy with where his conversation with Ryuzaki had ended. It really was astounding how much not being a Kira suspect had improved their relationship and understanding of each other.

 _This is the way to go._ Light felt more certain than ever. He would achieve everything he could and more that he could not achieve back in the old world. And he would keep on achieving more. Take full use of what already is better here to create an even perfect world.

When the items collected from Misa Amane's apartment arrived at the headquarters, Light picked up a black notebook.

* * *

The roof of the headquarters building seldom had visitors, especially now when construction work was ongoing beside the helicopter parking lots. Most of the Task Force did not understand why Ryuzaki suddenly wanted to build a tennis court. Light just smiled when he heard the news.

And now he was taking advantage of this desertedness.

He watched the flying creature land before him, folding its large wings behind its back. Funny, because the wings were definitely black in his eyes, though everyone else, Ryuzaki and the rest of the Task Force, seemed to see them as white. '… Must I call you "Rem" in this world?' he was cautious, not sure whether to immediately point out or ask about the wings' colour.

'… If not "Rem", what name do you propose?' The shinigami seemed a bit bored. It took out and ate a shrivelled fruit that looked like an apple-pepper hybrid, which did not seem to improve its mood.

But the sight of the fruit proved something useful for Light. 'Oh, had Misa not fed you enough apples from the human world? Don't worry, I'll give you plenty.' He smirked. 'Take them as my goodwill. And to answer your question, how do you think about the name " _Ryuk_ "?'

The undeniably dark shinigami (which looked white to other people) widened its mouth and showed Light what probably was intended to be a grin, though even Light thought it appeared more creepy than goofy. 'So you saw through me. Again.'

 _He rarely ever saw through anyone else, but he always saw through Ryuk because he no longer attached anything to it._

Light raised an eyebrow. He observed Ryuk more closely than before, almost counting each feather attached to the shinigami, and asked tentatively, '… Could it be … Are you from the old world as well?'

'You mean the world where you lost your memories after the Amane girl was caught, not before? "Old world", huh.' Ryuk said dully.

It took Light a while to recover his speech ability. Then too many questions fought to be asked that he did not know which to say first. In the end he opted for a comment. 'So you've taken up Rem's role here. Is that why everyone else sees you as white? Does Rem the white shinigami just… not exist anymore?' The sun was setting but the sky turning orange did not distract Light for long. 'That's one of the more interesting changes in the new world.'

'Yes, Rem the white shinigami does not exist anymore. Hasn't existed for a long time, I should say.'

'This world probably did not have a Ryuk, so when you came here, you became Rem.'

Light could not say he cared too deeply about that, Ryuk's name change or Rem's disappearance, but he stored the new knowledge about replacement rules at the back of his mind, just in case.

'This is just as well. If "Rem" was really _that_ Rem, I wouldn't want to risk her wrath by killing Misa. I might not have been able to regain death note ownership and recover my memories so quickly.' He touched the watch that had never left his wrist in the new world. _Everything in this world has a purpose_ , he realised. _Everything in this world helps me succeed as Kira and create the perfect world. I might have temporarily forgotten my mission, but the world always remembers my promise._

'You killed that girl so quickly. You didn't even know who I was but were so sure that I wasn't in love with that girl like Rem was, huh. You never doubt that things will go your way. I never understand why.'

'Oh, please, Ryuk. You didn't even show an ounce of concern for Misa down there. And you _haven't_ got any, have you?'

'No, I haven't.'

Light smiled in satisfaction. 'It's a pity I can't make use of Misa's shinigami eye anymore, but now that I'm not a Kira suspect, killing Ryuzaki is no longer a priority.'

'And you probably want to sway him to your side, too, am I right?' Ryuk asked flatly.

Ryuk watched Light gape, as if he had never considered the idea before, and then lowered his head to contemplate the idea. This human never got any better, the shinigami thought in disinterest.

Said human raised his head, an answer ready. 'You're right, Ryuk, it is worth trying. Most people can be swayed one way or another, and Ryuzaki doesn't seem to oppose Kira out of principle.' He sounded airy, and wore a very faint smile as he spoke. 'Maybe we can still fight alongside each other… on Kira's side…' He was looking suddenly dreamy, his gaze wandering far, far away.

Ryuk looked around. This was supposed to be evening, so it supposed Light was enjoying the sight of a beautiful, or even romantic, orange sky.

He might or might not be feeling romantic — Ryuk was not a very good judge at that — but when he was done doing dreamy, he began doing excited. So capricious.

'Yes. I will sway Ryuzaki to my side. Why not? I _can_ achieve more here, even more than I could back in the old world. L could only be Kira's enemy back there, but here, he can be Kira's supporter! And Kira…' The human gasped, as if he just realised something great. 'You know what, Ryuk… I've never liked the title "God of the New World" as much as now. Yes, I will be God, to protect this _wonderful new world_!'

Geez. 'You never give up on this, don't you.'

Light looked at Ryuk, dismayed. 'You seem pretty disgruntled today. Is it because of apples? Let's get some at the pantry first, then. We shouldn't leave the others for too long, anyway.'

Light took his steps to the exit, but Ryuk could not find the motivation to move. In fact, it could not find the motivation to play along anymore. 'That's no use, Light. Just as the shinigami apples can never be disguised, I can never taste the "human apples" in your little fantasies. Let's end this. Please try not to start again this time.'

'What again? You're talking strange.' Light turned, his brown eyes filled with confusion.

Ryuk sighed. It really did not want to explain again. The King said it might help enlighten the human and stop this once and for all, but so far nothing had worked. The human held too many passions with him, the King said.

'You really should stop coming up with these dreamy "new worlds".' Where Light Yagami envisioned an enamouring sunset, Ryuk only saw a desolate corner of the shinigami realm. Potent orange only existed in illusion; reality was a piece of anaemic bleakness. 'In no "world" will you ever "win". You already lost. You already died. Accept this and you can finally rest. And I can finally take a break too, because I must be the one to end each of your "new worlds". That's the rule.'

'What?' Light was clad in a black suit because he imagined himself to be a police detective. To Ryuk it only looked like the clothes he wore on that cold January day, the day Ryuk ate his last human apple.

Now Light Yagami was panicking as he saw Ryuk take out a black notebook and a shinigami pen made of bone. He was shouting, telling Ryuk to stop, asking what Ryuk had meant (he probably was not going to be enlightened this time either, Ryuk thought sadly), and trying to grapple with the shinigami.

'What? What?! _What?!_ I died?! I didn't! I'm still here! I wouldn't be here if I died! There's nothing after death! _You_ said it!'

'Not like this meant anything either, Light. Everything is nothing when you only imagined them.'

'Help! Help! Ryuzaki! Dad! Watari! Misora! Ukita! Matsuda!'

'Have you not gone on enough? Sometimes you get along with Ryuzaki. Sometimes your father isn't an NPA officer. Sometimes Misa Amane and Kiyomi Takada are the same person. Sometimes you remember a lot. Sometimes you don't remember a thing.'

 _He crafted universes with all that he could feel — greed, anger, confusion, hatred, love, malice, desire — they created beautiful nothingnesses and he believed in them all._

'No! Stop! I can't end here! I still have so much to do!'

Ryuk sighed. It seemed Light Yagami would still fight in nothingness next time. Why must there be a next time when there was no next time? 'You sound the same every time, just like that first time.'

Light Yagami had forty seconds to comprehend Ryuk's words.

 **—** **END—**

* * *

 **Author's notes:**

Light's mask in the snooker scene is loosely based on Asura from Buddhist legends — both god and demon, controlled by passions such as wrath, pride, violence and greed, always fighting, never at peace. I think it rather fits Light.

L's mask is _extremely_ loosely based on hone-onna from Japanese folklore. Hone-onna is a beautiful woman unknowingly rising from the dead to return to her loved one, and said loved one will have their life sucked out if they enjoy being with hone-onna too much and do not recognise the bone woman for what she is. Basically think the illusion produced by the Resurrection Stone in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And as I said, it is an extremely loose reference.


End file.
